If there was an award for over-functioning and over-giving...girl, I would have taken home the top prize.
No Joke. 

I was the over-functioning queen. I over-gave like it was going out of style. I poured EVERYTHING into my relationships. More accurately my partners. I would see the potential in them and nurture it with everything I had. I convinced myself if I could be useful, show how valuable I was and be indispensable to them on their path, it would ensure they wouldn’t leave.

I either put them on pedestals waiting for them to fall. Or I would build them up into the men I believed they were destined to be.

And each time these relationships crumbled to the ground I was left mortified. Wildly embarrassed. Humiliated.

Deep down I knew I had abandoned myself to be chosen by a man.

Intuitively I knew I had chosen men who couldn’t and wouldn’t ever meet me fully. Not because I didn’t long for deep enriching partnership, but because even in the longing, I was terrified of the thing I desired most.

I was afraid a partner would see my deepest vulnerabilities and run for the hills.
I was frozen in fear that a partner would reject me the same way I had been rejecting myself my entire life.
I was terrified of being alone.

I would construct relationships that looked incredible on the outside. To everyone else it looked like we were a match made in heaven. But behind closed doors we were worlds away from one another. 

The conflict of the outer world not matching the inner world was a very old, familiar and comfortable story for me. I knew how to write, direct and star in that show.

I had NO CLUE how to show up powerfully in a relationship and be truly mutually met, because there were parts of myself I was still running from.

Places in myself I couldn’t and wouldn’t embrace.
Places in myself I rejected, judged and villanized.
Places in myself I held deep shame, guilt and the paralyzing fear of being “found out.”

I was walled off from the feminine, a lifetime of wounding with women had me reject my innate softness, femininity and forget about sisterhood. That was not happening. My life had taught me women were catty, backstabbing, not to be trusted. It was so isolating and deeply lonely.

I wasn’t standing powerfully in my standards, I had no clue what my needs were or how to voice them and my boundaries would oscillate between being practically nonexistent and rigid like a steel wall.

I was blocked in my capacity to receive and my independence was on overdrive. Receiving felt far too vulnerable and because my boundaries were haywire I couldn't trust myself to open the door to being vulnerable, open and receptive.

My radiance went down the gutter. It takes so much energy to constantly be on guard, mentally processing, overthinking. I had no time for pleasure, at least integrated pleasure.

I favoured the one sided relationships because it gave me a sense of control. I directed the flow. I was generous. I was giving. But because my receivership was blocked I couldn’t dance in the flow of give and take. The flow of generosity.

I was not in my fierce feminine power. I held back truth. I catered to other people's needs and desires even when it meant abandoning myself.

It was messy.

But even in the mess, something true was calling me in a new direction.

I knew deep down I was the only one responsible for designing my future. If I really wanted the life, the love and the relationships I longed for it would require me to change.

I had to learn how to commit deeply to myself.
I had to learn how to embrace my feminine spirit.
I had to learn how to honour my masculine spirit.
I had to learn how to open to sisterhood. Heal in sisterhood. Heal my deep ancestral wounds with the feminine.
I had to learn how to discern the men who were on path from the ones that weren’t.
I had to heal my impulse to fix, mother, initiate and caretake men.
I had to heal my ability to trust myself.
I had to remember how to play.
I had to remember how to embody my radiance.
I had to remember how to be in my body.
I had to open to love more deeply, more vulnerably than I ever had.
I had to open to dancing in generosity, and receivership.
I had to open to being lead by my intuition. Lead by love.
I had to reclaim my belonging.

I had to meet myself fully.

When we desire so deeply to be mutually met, this journey, this path, this remembrance is calling you home.

Is this the Program Your Heart is Calling For?

Here in this container I trust in your agency. I trust you're a discerning adult who is capable and honest.

If any one of the following descriptions resonate within your heart, your body or your wombspace, sister, welcome to your Mutually Met journey. 

• You know you’re a queen. You know you’re a catch. You know you have something of deep worth to contribute to a partner.
• You’re ready to take your Queening and anchor it within romantic relationships. You’re a boss babe, a baddie who is living her best life (by your standards not anyone else’s) and you’re so ready to see this energy translate and be celebrated in romantic partnership.
• You live your life through the value of radical self-responsibility. You think blaming is lame. You are turned on by the ways you are able to hold yourself capable and accountable.
• You’re ready. Ready to go down and into the work to reclaim, to remember, to open, to heal and to learn.
• You’re desiring more high quality sisterhood and haven’t quite found your soul sister crew (or you would like to add more women to your community).
• You’re single (or separated) and can feel your person is coming and you want to be prepared to welcome him from a place of anchored radiance, feminine embodiment and bad assery soul truth.
  
  *If you’re in a relationship send me an email at [email protected] and we can flush out if this program would be aligned for your specific situation. It might be. It might not be. It's important we honour this honestly.

• You like to have FUN, LAUGH and not take yourself (or this work) too damn seriously. There are times this work will be serious, deep and reverent. There will be times we’ll be laughing hysterically, cracking jokes and ENJOYING the process. If you don’t like having fun you won’t like it here.
  
• You know you have some cleanup to do when it comes to your standards, needs and boundaries and are willing to take ownership over your behaviour and boss these standards up.
  
• You are really comfortable giving to others but you aren’t so comfortable receiving from others. It might make you feel vulnerable, or trigger feeling afraid of owing someone (hello conditional giving wounds..amirite?!)
  
• You’ve historically chosen men who can’t meet you, who you've had to mother, who aren’t sure who they are yet. Because they're not rooted the weight of driving and directing the relationship has fallen onto you. You've played the role of primary provider (contribution isn't in equal proportion to your partner) and you’re burnt out (a little annoyed) and possibly embarrassed this pattern keeps popping up...BUT you’re ready to kick it into Goddess gear and transform this coddling into deep, reverent, rich mutually met connection.
• You FEEL it deep in your bones that this is the program, the healing community and the magic you’ve been waiting for.

How it feels to work with Kelsey